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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26312104">Matter of Fact</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/handelgamer/pseuds/handelgamer'>handelgamer</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Desperation - XIVWrite2020 [5]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Final Fantasy XIV</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Gen, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, and complex feelings therein, discussions of the weapon series of trials</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-09-06</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-09-06</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 10:47:08</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,263</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26312104</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/handelgamer/pseuds/handelgamer</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Rostik takes a chance and talks to Kaen about the Weapon's project...and what makes him feel so ill-at-ease with everyone else.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Desperation - XIVWrite2020 [5]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1905949</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>#FFxivWrite Final Fantasy 30 Day Writing Challenge - Complete Works, #FFxivWrite2020 Final Fantasy 30 Day Writing Challenge</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Matter of Fact</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p class="western">
  <span> Who was Rostik to turn to with these feelings? Certainly not Fareena, he knew her feeling all to clearly on Garleans. And he would have turned to Chotan but his home was in Kugane, which by and large meant he dealt with Garleans under his terms. It was not the perspective he wanted.</span>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <span> Kaen Paniphar was the only one of the “Weapons” team who actually was a part of the Operation Archon. Most of the ones who were deeply tied with Baelsar’s history were desperately bringing back the Scions from the First. But even then, most the members looked at Gaius with utter disdain. Utterly justified but…. Chotan mentioned that Kaen was the first to actually chat with him so maybe he could talk to her about this uneasiness.</span>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <span> He turned on his linkpearl. “Kaen? Can I speak with you somewhere private?”</span>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <span> “My Free Company room is available?” she replied.</span>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <span> “Th</span>
  <span>ank you.</span>
  <span> I shall see you there.”</span>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <span>----</span>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <span> That explained the questioning tone within Kaen’s reply. The room was nearly bare, expect for bric-a-brac scattered about. Rostik knelt down to look at a pig whirling on an umbrella. It was rather cute. He wanted to touch it, but fear that the contraption would falter stopped him.</span>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <span> It was then that Kaen entered in. “So what kind of talk is this? Is this a quick one or long one?”</span>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <span> Rostik coughed. “I was...uh, hoping to discuss the Weapons project, and uh, things surrounding it.”</span>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <span> Kaen sighed. “Long one it is. I’ll be back.”</span>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <span> Rostik nodded and, as soon as she left the room, </span>
  <span>laid</span>
  <span> down on the ground to look at the spinny-pig-umbrella. The style had to be from Hingashi, was this from some sort of stall there? He would have to take a look himself. And he could just watch it spin all day. It was nice. Still, Rostik took care to listen for footsteps, to not seem foolish in front of Kaen.</span>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <span> Soon the promised footsteps came and Rostik pushed himself up from the floor. He was in the midst of straightening out his clothes as Kaen stepped in with a huff. From her bag, she pulled out some chairs and a table. “Eleone’s also going to make us some tea so she’ll drop by in a while with it,” she said, sitting down. “So shoot. What’s going on?”</span>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <span> Rostik cleared his throat. “How to start...” he said, fidgeting with his hands. “You all know I was raised in Garlemald, yes?”</span>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <span> “Mmmhmm. And that you were tortured for being a vagabond who just wandered from place to place trying to do good, regardless of who they were.”</span>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <span> “Right,” he took a deep breath at that. “Well, I guess what I wanted to talk about is less about that and more about...well, uh, those guys we are fighting against. The Auri adoptees of Gaius.”</span>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <span> Kaen sat up straighter in her chair but did not say anything. Rostik took this as a sign to continue. “In some ways, they were like I was. I </span>
  <span>was</span>
  <span> adopted by a kind soul, a teacher in Garlemald. She was so careful, in so many ways. I watched her </span>
  <span>publicly</span>
  <span> teach the Garlean doctrine but then teach me other things privately at home. Things I was sworn secretly to keep.”</span>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <span> “That...does not sound like Baelsar, honestly. Other than the adoptee part.”</span>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <span> Rostik scratched the back of his head. Of course he was getting it wrong but he could maybe lead her into it. “I guess there is that difference. I saw a distinction between the kindness of a person and believing it to be a part of the Empire as a whole. I could be a perfect image of a ‘savage’ to people but those Auri, they had each other to shelter behind. And they weren’t taken too far away from their home.”</span>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <span> “Also Baelsar’s, quite sadly, always made it a point to integrate the conquered and give them hope of a new life in the Empire, instead of outright scorn and hatred.”</span>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <span> Rostik nodded. “I guess what’s eating at me is...just seeing those Auri fight so desperately for a nation that does not care for them. And...I’m disappointed.”</span>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <span> Kaen gave a small smile at that. “Well you certainly aren’t the first to have had sympathy for our enemies. Things are never as clear-cut as they seem.”</span>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <span> A flicker of rage flared up in Rostik. She hit the nail on the head and yet- “Then how come you all seem so ready to cut these </span>
  <span>children</span>
  <span> down!?” He remembered the general chatter after the death of Milisandia. Few of the company members seemed to worry or care about the Auri they were facing, other than that they considered them another of Gaius’s mistakes.</span>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <span> He was not surprised to see anger flare up in Kaen’s eyes. “You really haven’t fought for the sake of protecting a home, haven’t you? Or maybe you didn’t realize the true cruelty of war until that point?</span>
  <span>
    <span> You lived within Ala Mhigan resistance camps. I’m certain they would have told you about the heartbreak of hurting your own. But it is what you </span>
  </span>
  <span>
    <em>
      <span>do. </span>
    </em>
  </span>
  <span>
    <span>
      <span>Because otherwise, you are dead.”</span>
    </span>
  </span>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <span>
    <span>
      <span> He knew. He knew he knew and </span>
    </span>
  </span>
  <span>
    <em>
      <span>he himself killed them</span>
    </em>
  </span>
  <span>
    <span>
      <span> and yet-</span>
    </span>
  </span>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <span>
    <span>
      <span> “Having sympathy is good, but there’s not a lot we can even do,” Kaen continued.</span>
    </span>
  </span>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <span>
    <span>
      <span> He still had the image of Cecetu looking up at the G-Warrior with shimmering eyes. The screams of those whose minds were overtaken so that they could become something other than themselves.</span>
    </span>
  </span>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <span>
    <em>
      <span>His screams as they tore at something about him.</span>
    </em>
  </span>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <span>
    <span>
      <span> “Rostik? Rostik?!” Kaen said, but her voice was faint. His body was beginning to seize up at the sheer memory. He thought he was free, he thought he was free and yet-</span>
    </span>
  </span>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <span>
    <span>
      <span> The soothing pull of healing magic. Rostik felt his body slacken and he breathed out heavily. Breathe in, and out. Focus. In and out, in and out. Help the magic along.</span>
    </span>
  </span>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <span>
    <span>
      <span> He felt Kaen’s hand on her shoulder. “You okay?” she asked.</span>
    </span>
  </span>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <span>
    <span>
      <span> “After effects of what they tried to do to me,” Rostik said. “They are much better than they once were but sometimes if I just linger on the wrong thing...”</span>
    </span>
  </span>
</p><p class="western">
  <span>
    <span>
      <span> A knock interrupted his statement. “I have tea here! Rostik, you okay?” Eleone asked, muffled through the door. Kaen also glanced at him, wondering.</span>
    </span>
  </span>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <span>
    <span>
      <span> “I’m...fine. Tea would be welcome, please.” Rostik sat back up in his chair, as the Elezen entered and sat the tea tray on the table. Even poured him a cup. He graciously drank it, carefully making sure to savor the taste. Bitter, as it were. He sighed as he set the cup down. “Thank you, Eleone.” She politely nodded but the worried expression wasn’t easily erased.</span>
    </span>
  </span>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <span>
    <span>
      <span> Kaen had sat back down in her chair. </span>
    </span>
  </span>
  <span>
    <span>
      <span>She took a breath and after that asked, “Do you want to continue our discussion or switch to a different topic?”</span>
    </span>
  </span>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <span>
    <span>
      <span> Rostik glanced on down at the tea and swished the leaves around. Things didn’t feel settled yet, but he should continue on until they were. But maybe a different topic first. “That decoration over there,” he said, gesturing towards the umbrella-pig. “Where did you find that?”</span>
    </span>
  </span>
</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">
  <span>
    <span>
      <span> “Oh that? Heavensturn celebration gift. They give us so many decorations and I tend to stick them in here for want of doing anything else with them.” The topic continued in the same vein for some time, enough to calm Rostik’s frayed nerves. It would not be the end of the fraught discussion, but for the time being, it was enough.</span>
    </span>
  </span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Me earlier: blech all of my work feels sub-par and meh this week. Have I lost my writing juice?</p><p>Me today: BRINGS FORTH THIS PIECE IN ALL OF IT'S GLORY</p><p>The true trick is focusing on dialog. I think I am pretty decent at dialog...but I wanna get better at descriptions so -shrug-</p></blockquote></div></div>
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